Sophie Mau, Germany (she/they)

18 September 2025

My name is Sophie Mau, I’m from Halle (Saale), where I was born and raised.

Okay. What do you do?

Oh, what do I do in life... I just finished university, now I'm waiting for my marks, so I'm submitting job applications and working in a pharmacy in the meantime.

Okay... And can we talk about your family and your childhood; your mother is half-Roma, she was adopted and you grew up in a ... what kind of a family?

Um, my family, um, I would actually describe it as very typically German, and that’s how I was raised. For a good part of my life, I didn’t know that I was Roma, neither did my mother, we found out by accident.

So, I was born and raised in Halle, my family, well, I don't know, typically East German I guess, my parents weren't allowed to go to university, which is why they had, well, moderately paid jobs, I would say [laughs], my father became an independent entrepreneur at one point, yeah, and then there was a period when we didn't have that much money, but then there was a period when we were, so to speak, the real middle class, and probably better off than other families.

Your relationship with Roma, your Roma heritage?

My story about that is a bit complicated, my mother was adopted by, well, I could say, my grandparents, I don't really know my biological grandparents at all, I don't even know who they are, my mother hasn’t spoken about that much, she didn't want to, and then we accidentally found out that we have Romani DNA, through a DNA test [laughs] and, yes, that’s why it's very difficult for me to really define my identity, because, as I said, for most of my life I didn't know that at all and ... yes, it's hard to reshape it now as an adult, because a new part of me, so to speak, just came to light, and I'm still somewhat in the phase of searching for what it means to me in general.

Do you remember the time when you, like, knew that you are different, that you don’t like boys, that you don’t like this, that you don’t like that?

Yes, in any case, I can remember that even in kindergarten I knew more subconsciously that - girls then, women now - were better than boys or men, so to speak. But I only really became aware of it after many, many years, I don't know, maybe a funny story, I somehow thought that all women always feel that way, that they are attracted to other women, because my environment was a bit like that, let's say, that kind of attitude, none of my female friends, or friends in general, really questioned it. And then, I had a friend who was bi, and we talked about it and then I basically decided for myself, okay, now I'm going to use this adjective “bisexual” until I find something that maybe suits me better. We were in the car, going to the pool. Yeah, funny, but it hasn't changed at all since that ride.

And have you came out to your family?

Yes, I may not have had a big coming out in front of my family. It was, I haven't said that in a long time. I had boyfriends, I didn't have girlfriends for a very, very long time, serious relationships. Yeah, but it was not as I expected it would be. My dad, well, I have to say that he didn't say too much about it. He he wasn't particularly interested in that. He kept saying that he is happy if I am happy. And then that it doesn't, essentially, matter who I’m with. It was actually my mom who had more of an issue with it, which I wouldn't have thought. When I told her she ignored it at first. But then later she said, well, how do I know if it's not just a phase – so, let's say, that cliché –  and that I would end up with a man eventually?

Can we talk about when you two [Sophie & her partner] met? Do you remember?

Yes, I can remember exactly when we met. For myself, not a lot of time passed before I decided I was not interested in men and decided to only date women. Yeah... We met through a dating site, Bumble. And we immediately clicked, we started chatting, and, yeah, a few days later we agreed to meet. And we drove to a lake, spent time together, talked for hours about anything and everything, and we actually clicked right away.

Yeah, it was very natural. For me, there was no more dilemma, so to speak. I say now when I look back, I always say that of course I was deceived, [laughs], because I met him as a woman, but then, of course, as it happens in life, not everything turns out the way we imagine. But I couldn't be happier. And I wouldn't trade this for anything in the world, and I love it just the way it is.

How did your parents react?

In the beginning, my parents, well, actually reacted very well to it.

I don't know, they were very interested, very open, they talked to him a lot. Yes, actually everything was fine from that side. And we spent a lot of time together. He stayed at our house a lot. It wasn't a problem at first. That came later. Not necessarily when we told my parents he was trans, but sometime before that. So, that, I can say, cannot be the only reason that my parents stopped liking him and the like. It's still a bit of a mystery to him and to me, why, what made my parents behave the way they did in the end. Yeah, but in the beginning everything was fine actually. Their behavior changed later.

And now, you two live together. For how long?

We live... Actually, honestly, we've been living together ever since we met, a little bit at a time. We dated for three months before we moved into an apartment with my friends, yeah, we have officially been living together since then, but months before that we spent so much time together, we saw each other constantly, so it could already be called living together.

How is it in Halle to be an LGBTQ couple? Do you have to, like, can you be openly together or do you still have problems with people around you?

I would say, at least in the parts of Halle where we hang out, we've never had a problem with holding hands or kissing in the street, not at all. They may have looked at us at times, but they didn't say or do anything [laughs], so to speak. I'd say that's not really a problem here.

Yes, of course we’ve heard stories from other people, where it wasn't like that. Before, while we still both identified as women, it is something different compared to when two people, who identify as men, kiss on the street. Unfortunately, I think there is still a very big difference in society. Yeah, and now it's already, let's say, passing, because no one actually looks at us anymore, let's say, like... And they probably don't really identify us as a queer couple anymore.

Can you tell me, like, what do we need to know about Sophie that – of course I don’t have questions about you in general …

What’s important to know about me... It's hard to say, it's hard to sum up my own self in a few sentences, but I would have to say that I stand up for fairness and justice in every sense - so, it's not only related to being queer and Roma, but it applies to all topics, actually.

I believe very strongly and passionately that all people are equal, and I try to teach people who don't see that to separate fact from emotion. I'd say it's a very, very big part of me anyway.

In addition... I don't know, I'm only human too. I still struggle a bit with my own life, with my own traumas. Yeah, but I think it's all part of the human experience.

What did I forget to ask you?

Well, while my parents' relationship with me and my fiance was good at the beginning, over time it changed very, very drastically. Yeah... It's still...  many questions are still open, but the bottom line is that for a time I had fierce arguments with my mother, because I simply could not understand her thinking and her behaviour and I did not accept it.

In the end she told me, you have two suitcases upstairs, I want you to two to move out. Despite the fact that my father and Gabriel had already, practically, made an apartment for us in the attic, in fact it was almost complete and it had taken them several months. My father was completely overwhelmed by the situation, by what my mother said. Yeah, and I ... of course, being who I am, did so. We packed our bags and drove to Gabriel's parents. And since then, I haven't really had any contact with my parents.

I wrote them a letter, saying that I would like to go to some kind of family counseling or therapy. They accepted and my father was very willing to smooth things over, so to speak. And to have some kind of relationship again.

But he was, as I got the impression, heavily influenced by my mother when it came to his opinion of Gabriel. That... Yeah, that's why I didn't accept that offer entirely, since my mother didn't budge from her opinion, she would’t even listen and facilitate dialogue. She simply had her own opinion and wanted to impose that... Yeah, that Gabriel is not good for me or something like that.

And that was very, very difficult for me, because she was not always a good mother and she did not treat me well when I was a child. Yeah. And Gabriel has.

And he accepted me as I am. And of course, then her words, towards me, met with complete misunderstanding.

I saw her briefly, just recently, quite by accident, it was not planned. And she acted as if nothing had happened and ignored everything. In her own specific way.

I'm very sad that I don't have a good relationship with my parents and I'm also very envious of people who can have a good relationship with their parents...

Yes. I miss her but... I know I mustn't give in, because otherwise my life just wouldn't be as good as it is right now, in this moment.

What makes, what make a human being human?

I think mistakes make a person. But also recognising those mistakes.

I think it's not the worst thing in the world to make a mistake. But it is terrible if we insist on our opinion even though we ourselves know that it is not a good one. Or that we don't feel good about what we're saying. Or doing.

I think it makes people human to just make up their own minds: that's how I am. And I will not give up my own will for anyone. And that, well, we don't always fit into everything that might be expected of us.

 

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